Day 4 of Operation Meditation

So after fixing my little princess breakfast I tried to sneak away for a meditation session.  I laid a blanket out on the floor and sat down legs crossed, hands at my side.  Breathing in and out peacefully for about three minutes before my darling mini me found me and was unnerved.  She asked me what I was trying to be and I said I was meditating.  She then came and sat on my lap and starting touching my ear.  I tried to include her and have her sit with her legs crossed and start breathing but she thought it was funny.  She then decided she was going to set up her brothers train tracks across the blanket and I was in her way.  When I told her to place them in another area she refused.  I then tried to go back into my breathing with my eyes closed but she wasn’t having it.  Next thing I know I felt little objects hitting me in the chest.  Mini me was throwing her removable rubber stickers at me.  I asked her to go and play in the other room and proceeded to close my eyes one more time.  I opened them right back up to the sound of sniffles as she began to let her tears well up in her eyes to get her way.  There was no way she was going to let me not be in the moment with her.  At this point she was no longer my mini me she was her fathers mini me.  Both of them hated when I took myself out of their world and focused on anything other than their wants and needs even if they didn’t want or need anything at that moment.  It was enough for them if I just paid all my attention to them and none to myself.  I found this to be true for my son as well.  Did these three not think I needed any time to cultivate my own desires and needs?  Or was I just a mommy robot who was here to be at their beck and call?  Maybe this is why I spent the last almost seven years feeling like a Mom-ster instead of a woman.  I decided I was not going to allow this to continue so I placed her in her bed and told her she could watch Dora the Explorer until she was ready to stop crying and let me have a moment to myself.  It worked for at least five minutes and I was able to give myself a five-minute meditation moment.  Even as I write this very blog she is vying for my attention but yet playing with her toys. Tomorrow I’m going to try for a ten minute session.  Ahhh!


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